Parenting – An Awakened Approach to Raising Our Children

I didn't really understand what selflessness was until I became a parent.  There are many different levels of learning this from literally not sleeping to feeding and comforting them, to being happy when they are spitting up on you because that means their little tummies won't be in pain.  You will most likely find that you will go without so that they have what they need.  That can mean time, energy, cash, or all three.  It is taking another being's needs before yours, free of ever thinking you are going to get something out of it or is it?  If you are really real with yourself you'll see another level of clearing your selfishness just around the corner beginning with you and your partner’s expectations of your child regarding what they should or shouldn't do, all the way to expecting a thank you for what you did so selflessly for them.  For myself, I've come to the conclusion that the thank you note should actually be going to my child reading something a little like this: "My darling child thank you again for your amazing patience and teaching me to let go of trying to control everything.  P.S. No need to save this note I'm sure I'll be writing another one very soon."

The amazing thing about being a parent is that throughout every age you get to move through the things you didn't heal at the same age they currently are.  So, as they go through things similar to what you experienced, you have another opportunity to heal as long as you take the time to clear the pain instead of projecting that pain towards your child or blaming others on how they are treating them.  It is grace to see these opportunities and a gorgeous offering to your child as you have the potential to help clean up the genetic programming you instilled into their bodies from not having been able to clear these prior.  Another thank you note could easily apply here with the same P.S. point.  😉

I don't believe there is such a thing as a perfect parent or child for that matter.  Thank God or we'd never learn anything.  Yet, in our amazing state of rapid awakening we can learn at completely different levels than what most of our parents were able to, or we as children for that matter.  So, how exactly do we do this?  Let’s break this down.

1. Take the blinders off of perfection and be real with your children giving them a great experience of a behavior model.  What do I mean by this?  Don't hit them with the whole “do as I say, not as I do” training.  Let them see your imperfections and make them age appropriate so as not to make them afraid, feel unsafe, or see you so flawed they can have their way with you.  Do this in a way that serves you all.  Remember, they are absorbing everything you are doing; you may think you are only in their peripheral vision, I assure you they are viewing you in 3D high-definition screening.  Even if you don't think they are watching, they are, and they are learning how to BE from you.
2. Be generous with your love: make sure your children know they are loved, hold them, tell them, and make time for them.
3. Teach them, by your example, how to treat their partner, their mate, their spouse.  Children really watch how we parents treat each other.  This is their early relationship training.  They will start treating their Dad the way their Mom treats their Dad and vice versa because they've been trained by example that this is acceptable.  They are either going to learn healthy loving relationships with a mate from you or the opposite.  Make sure they have the opportunity to experience what trust, love, healthy communication and respect look like from watching and experiencing you and if are not in a relationship that reflects these teachings, teach them how to end a relationship lovingly.  Remember, even if you are not particularly fond of your ex, that is still their Mommy or Daddy and they deserve the right to love them free of your stuff.
4. Teach love, not hate.  Pay attention to how you speak to others in front of them as well as when the others are not there.  Children learn what is socially acceptable from you.  I've never met a baby that has prejudices to anyone or anything.  Hate is a learned habit; love your children enough not to teach them this.
5. Teach them how to love themselves.  Pay attention to how you treat yourself, as they will want to be just like you.  So, if you smoke they will want to and if you love to dance they will want to too until of course they are teens and they don't want to be seen dancing with you.  However, once they are teens you can absolutely use that as a joyous form of entertainment by spontaneously breaking into dance as they enter the room - watching the expressions on their faces…priceless!  Even this teaches them not to take life too seriously and to have fun.

At the end of the day it is up to us parents to choose if we are going to bury or heads in the sand, knowing the impressions our lifestyle choices make on our children, or step up in joyous responsibility seeing this whole parenting thing for what it is: a phenomenal opportunity to heal, to drop away selfishness and the amazing gift to be able to love wholeheartedly, free of expectation, just because.  I can only speak for myself, that my children have made me a better person, a kinder being.  They have taught me what being vulnerable and what being responsible is, at the same time.  They are the kindest people I know and it has been a pleasure to watch them grow.  I hope that your experience as a parent if this is what you have chosen in this life, brings you the same amazing opportunity to step into being a better being.